tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-77505322667413105132024-02-08T13:54:43.254-05:00Put On Your Big Girl Pants and Just Get On With Itone woman's journey through breast cancer and the side effects of chemotherapy. Alternative cancer therapies are also explored.MaryJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01276238760003499553noreply@blogger.comBlogger77125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7750532266741310513.post-32572965669454130242011-06-15T15:06:00.000-04:002011-06-15T15:06:00.851-04:00Put On Your Big Girl Pants and Just Get On With It: Wednesday, 6/15/11<a href="http://putonyourbiggirlpants.blogspot.com/2011/06/wednesday-61511.html?spref=bl">Put On Your Big Girl Pants and Just Get On With It: Wednesday, 6/15/11</a>: "Chemotherapy has a dark side and a light side. On the dark side you just want it to stop. You lose your will, your energy, yourself. O..."MaryJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01276238760003499553noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7750532266741310513.post-23396773369434923112011-06-15T15:05:00.002-04:002011-06-15T15:05:37.807-04:00Wednesday, 6/15/11<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Chemotherapy has a dark side and a light side.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On the dark side you just want it to stop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You lose your will, your energy, yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On the light side, there is brightness, potential, a waking up from the dark where your brain and your body come back together and get off the couch or the bed. One encourages you to join the land of the living, the other the land of the dead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Its that stark.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is no making it pretty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve never known or experienced anything that can just sap the will right out of you. I’m not saying you give up, because you don’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But boy you just want to go live in a cave for awhile so no one has to see you this way. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I’ve been in both places…..A lot lately.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The last treatment put me in the hospital for 5 days while the doctor and staff tried to get my white blood count to kick back in, and my red count, and my platelets, and my potassium, magnesium, electrolytes….yep you name it all of them were in the danger zone. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s 1 week after my last treatment and I’m down for the count.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tomorrow’s bloodwork will determine whether I need hospitalization again and I’ve still got two more treatments to go. Obviously I can’t quit now – I’ve endured 10 months of this I can make it six more weeks. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But what will that 6 weeks look like, feel like, live like…. And then what?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Its not just me going through this – I’m watching my family go through it and that is worse than anything. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m the mother, the wife, the sister, the oldest….I’m supposed to be the one that holds it all together and yet I’m at the center pulling it all apart. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When they call to check on me I want to lie and say I’m doing great, feeling strong, hanging tough. But I don’t. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve been practicing speaking honestly for so long now I don’t know how to do anything but. Even when it hurts. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How’s that for a conundrum. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In my coaching practice I encourage my clients to live authentically. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I support them as they learn to speak their truth, honestly, and gently. I facilitate transparency and self awareness….boy has that come back to bite me….lol.</span></div>MaryJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01276238760003499553noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7750532266741310513.post-220986679648092422011-06-15T15:04:00.000-04:002011-06-15T15:04:23.041-04:00Friday, 5/13/11<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Yesterday I learned why I was feeling so bad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who knew that anemia, when “critical” can be so devastating to the body!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>According to the blood work I had done yesterday in preparation for my visit with the doctor, my “crit” level was 25.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anything below 30 is considered critical.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The fix – a blood transfusion – yep overnight at the hospital getting two bags of blood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The only thing I knew about blood transfusions is what I’ve seen in the movies or on tv…so when the doctor said to the PA – “lets book her at the hospital tonight for a blood transfusion” -<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did a double take – excuse me…did you just say blood transfusion??!!??<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Am I dying?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was quick to reassure me that this is a treatment he has been successfully using for the last few years and that most patients end up being anemic as a result of the chemotherapy. I wasn’t aware of it, but each week my “crit” was going lower – hence my fatigue.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I drove home, called Ron (who immediately said he was leaving work and driving down), and the kids to make overnight arrangements for puppy etc…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I haven’t been in a hospital for an overnight visit since I gave birth 34 years ago, and boy things have changed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everything…and I mean everything is done by computer. The nurse had a computer on a stand that she wheeled into my room and proceeded to type in my responses to the zillion questions she asked me about my health history. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each bag of blood was scanned to match my scanned wrist band. Mind you the hospital still smells like a hospital, but its amazing to see how technology has changed things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Transfusions were finally completed a 4:00 this morning and I finally slept until 8:00am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whoo hoo – I haven’t done that since we got Bella!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I’m now home, and I am able to walk up to the 2<sup>nd</sup> floor without gasping for air or having to sit while my heart slows down its pounding. Wow! Its supposed to take about a day and a half to really feel 100% so I’m looking forward to Sunday and should be able to handle the 5 ½ hour drive to VA.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">The doctor is also changing my chemo regimen and taking me off the taxol and putting me on something that will be a little kinder to the neuropathy in my feet and hands. I’m looking forward to getting feeling back into both.</span></div>MaryJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01276238760003499553noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7750532266741310513.post-87814541700094692642011-05-11T12:36:00.000-04:002011-05-11T12:36:08.931-04:00Put On Your Big Girl Pants and Just Get On With It: Wednesday, 5/11/11<a href="http://putonyourbiggirlpants.blogspot.com/2011/05/wednesday-51111.html?spref=bl">Put On Your Big Girl Pants and Just Get On With It: Wednesday, 5/11/11</a>: "I’m just so tired of being tired. I’m in my “free” week and usually by now my energy is returning and I’m feeling good and strong again. ..."MaryJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01276238760003499553noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7750532266741310513.post-65133633670232075122011-05-11T12:35:00.002-04:002011-05-11T12:35:28.293-04:00Wednesday, 5/11/11<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"></b><span style="font-family: Arial;">I’m just so tired of being tired.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m in my “free” week and usually by now my energy is returning and I’m feeling good and strong again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But not this week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If anything it feels like its getting worse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I find I’m spending my days on the couch and even getting up to feed myself or walk the puppy are taking massive effort.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know if it has to do with the cumulative amount of taxol and carboplatin in my system or if there is something else going on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which raises the question – how do I know if something else is wrong?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everything I’ve read says that these drugs can have damaging effects on the heart, lungs, and liver.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is my liver overloaded with toxins?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is my heart muscle starting to feel the effects?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What about my lungs?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still have the tight band feeling around my chest – but I can take a deep breath so I think I’m ok.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What symptoms are real and what are the result of my fear?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know when I walk up a flight of stairs that my heart starts pounding and I’m out of breath, so that is real….but that has happened before and then two days later I can run up the stairs with no ill effect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is so confusing and frightening. Most of the time I can stay strong and I’m learning to treat myself gently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But every once in awhile the fear sneaks in and then I’m not so strong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then I become aware of the cancer and what it is taking from me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If it is short term – I can take it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But isn’t that the irony – you don’t know if its long term or short term.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You just have to exist in each moment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For someone who has always lived life with a crystal ball (metaphorical of course), it really strips you of the ability to plan anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For example I have scheduled an appointment at the apple store twice this week to learn how to put together a website.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each day within an hour of the appointment I find myself dizzy, tired and on the couch so I’ve had to cancel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m planning to drive up to VA on Friday as I have two days of work next week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do I cancel?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do I trust that I will have the energy? Crap … how do you live life like this?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I need to be more like Bella (my puppy).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She lives totally in the moment. She also has enough energy for both of us!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I walk her 3x’s a day – sometimes just around the block if it’s a bad energy day - but every time that puppy poops – sometimes twice a walk!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How is it possible that there is that much poop in one little puppy!!! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ok, my life has digressed to laying on the couch and puppy poop…oy vey.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">This has definitely been a pity recliner entry…</span></div>MaryJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01276238760003499553noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7750532266741310513.post-35022143223005389652011-05-11T12:34:00.000-04:002011-05-11T12:34:31.351-04:00Thursday, 5/5/11<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I will be getting my 7<sup>th</sup> round of chemo today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s hard to believe I’ve been in NC for 9 weeks now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As usual my energy level has climbed to about 85%.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is hard to describe but yesterday afternoon I could feel it just lift.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One minute I’m walking through the house wearing my “chemo suit” and then “poof” its’ gone!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m often asked what it feels like and the best I can say is that it is like having a really bad hangover (headache, queasiness, lack of appetite, no energy etc…) and takes between 5 to 7 days to get over. Also just as you start feeling like yourself again, you go out and induce the hangover all over again. Depending on the drug or combination of drugs, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>also makes a difference to the severity of the hangover. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">Received my taxol infusion this morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Feeling pretty tired tonight – could be due to lack of sleep and/or chemo or both.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Numbness in feet and fingertips is getting worse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So its possible that I may be looking an infusion adjustment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll know more when I see Dr. Graham next Thursday.</span></div>MaryJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01276238760003499553noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7750532266741310513.post-6140286462940872222011-05-11T12:32:00.000-04:002011-05-11T12:32:39.438-04:00Put On Your Big Girl Pants and Just Get On With It: Tuesday, 5/3/11<a href="http://putonyourbiggirlpants.blogspot.com/2011/05/tuesday-5311.html?spref=bl">Put On Your Big Girl Pants and Just Get On With It: Tuesday, 5/3/11</a>: "I’m not sure why it has been so hard for me to sit down and write… I did get a puppy a couple of weeks ago, so she certainly has occupied my..."MaryJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01276238760003499553noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7750532266741310513.post-80880154009310171932011-05-11T12:30:00.000-04:002011-05-11T12:30:29.039-04:00Tuesday, 5/3/11<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I’m not sure why it has been so hard for me to sit down and write… </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I did get a puppy a couple of weeks ago, so she certainly has occupied my time, but I think its more than that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve been pretty tired through chemo this time around.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess I didn’t expect to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes I’m just tired of being tired, and I hate writing when I’m not in a good place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Carboplatin kicks my butt pretty much throughout the month. The Taxol is really impacting my feet and hands making them very numb which can be disconcerting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m also missing my friends in VA.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ok, waa waa waa…..</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Bella, the puppy turned 3 months this weekend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is a quick learner and much more adaptable than I expected.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew going in that a young pup is a lot of work, and she can be, however she will sleep from 9:30 pm through to 5 or 6:00 am which is a plus.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course the downside is that I’m a night owl, so I’m still working on adjusting my bedtime to hers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Past experience tells me that little by little we’ll work back to my schedule.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I can just get her to sleep until 7:00 or 7:30 I’ll be golden.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m also crate training her – again she is a quick learner and doesn’t really give me too much trouble over it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s very lovable and will just hang out on the couch with me which is great when I’m having a low energy day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m also walking 2 to 3 times a day now to walk her, so that is actually a positive as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I’m too tired, Rich or Anya will come over and walk her. Anya has actually taken her overnight for the more difficult day or two following the Carboplatin treatment.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I’ve also found a couple of yoga teachers willing to do restorative yoga sessions with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This has become so important for helping me be more gentle with myself as well as helping me manage the side effects of the chemo.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My next focus will be on finding a good acupuncturist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve got a couple of referrals so will try to get something started in the next couple of weeks.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I haven’t been working much and that has been difficult for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The financial loss is one that Ron and I are working through. But it is more than that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m used to being busy and productive. Not having work to distract me puts the full focus on my current situation - who am I now, and how do I want to live my life going forward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve decided that I would like to continue with the coaching part of my work, but focus it more on life coaching. I’ve started to develop a business plan and should be able to tap into my son’s network for clients.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think it will be really important for me to learn to develop some work life balance – something I wasn’t so good doing the first chemo time around. I absolutely believe that is one of my lesson’s here and one I didn’t learn very well before :(. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">Time will tell.</span></div>MaryJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01276238760003499553noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7750532266741310513.post-38086582724778893612011-04-11T20:49:00.000-04:002011-04-11T20:49:16.908-04:00Put On Your Big Girl Pants and Just Get On With It: Monday, 4/11/11<a href="http://putonyourbiggirlpants.blogspot.com/2011/04/monday-41111.html?spref=bl">Put On Your Big Girl Pants and Just Get On With It: Monday, 4/11/11</a>: "Yesterday was an amazing day, the culmination of a seed of an idea from a friend who wanted to make this journey just a little less stressfu..."MaryJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01276238760003499553noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7750532266741310513.post-37692415385712771572011-04-11T20:48:00.002-04:002011-04-11T20:48:30.944-04:00Monday, 4/11/11<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Yesterday was an amazing day, the culmination of a seed of an idea from a friend who wanted to make this journey just a little less stressful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is hard to believe that Ellen’s idea of a fundraiser would produce the coming together of a large group of friends, family and colleagues who would open their hearts, and their pockets, and donate, love, time, support and money to help us out of a difficult financial situation. But they did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a room full of individuals who had come together with an amazing generosity of spirit and online friends who contributed the same.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is no way Ron and I can ever say the words that would convey the deep felt gratitude we have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What we can promise is that somehow, someway we will pay it forward. I also met some amazing women who have gone through similar experiences with cancer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It really is everywhere.</span></div>MaryJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01276238760003499553noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7750532266741310513.post-26120663535643190402011-04-11T20:45:00.000-04:002011-04-11T20:45:36.994-04:00Saturday, 4/9/11<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">It has been a crazy couple of weeks and I realize I have not taken the time to write much at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or maybe I’m just coming to terms with the idea that people are so generous and willing to help us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tomorrow is the fundraiser and I’m having some really conflicting feelings about it. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I think we all have a relationship with money that comes from the way we were raised.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In my family money was never discussed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you needed money to attend a school event, or go to a movie or meet up with friends, you earned it. I was babysitting the neighborhood kids by the time I was 10. I remember “borrowing” $5 from my grandfather as a 15 year old and having him add it to an electric payment when I was an adult.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Early on I learned the “value of a dollar,” and that no one did anything for nothing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everything had a price.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Today I know differently and have chosen to live my life in a different way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It started with the idea that you share what you have without any expectation of repayment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m embarrassed to say how difficult it was to practice that one. Little by little I learned though, and when I met Ron I knew I had found someone who truly believed it and lived it. Maybe now I have to let go and let others live the same way and believe that its okay to be the recepient and not the giver...</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Ok, so tomorrow is going to be a good day and I need to just stop thinking.</span></div>MaryJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01276238760003499553noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7750532266741310513.post-33808012868240016272011-04-11T20:41:00.000-04:002011-04-11T20:41:11.702-04:00Thursday, 4/7/11<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Just received my third treatment. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Per usual I’m a little spacey, but I know lunch and a one hour restorative yoga session will put my head and feet back on the ground. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m driving home to VA this afternoon. My sister Tricia is flying into tonight to Dulles, so that she can be with me at the fundraiser on Sunday. Can’t wait to see everyone.</span></div>MaryJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01276238760003499553noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7750532266741310513.post-46699186246752504622011-04-11T20:38:00.000-04:002011-04-11T20:38:25.711-04:00Wednesday 3/30/11<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Finally got out of bed 2 days ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tomorrow is my 2<sup>nd</sup> treatment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This time I will just get one drug – Taxol, so I’m assuming that this coming week should be a whole lot easier than last week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">’m back to reading and researching again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This time its <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Natural Strategies for Cancer Patients</i> by Russell Blaylock, MD<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lots of great information. What is currently standing out is that even though I’m eating a vegan diet with lots of fresh fruit and vegetables, my ability to absorb the nutrients is compromised by the chemo.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He does say that breaking the vegetables down in a vita mixer actually reduces them to the cellular level so that I can absorb them more fully and easily.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thanks to family I have one and will begin using it as a juicer and not just for smoothies, sauces etc… Blaylock recommends 10 oz of vegetable juice 2 x daily. I will attempt that beginning tomorrow.</span></div>MaryJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01276238760003499553noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7750532266741310513.post-85189054593469712392011-04-11T20:36:00.002-04:002011-04-11T20:36:49.939-04:00Monday 3/28/11<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Its been a tough weekend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m surprised to feel how quickly the chemo side effects have kicked in and spent the weekend feeling a little sorry for myself….ok I felt a lot sorry for myself until my husband said “ hey think of the alternative….I know this sucks, but at least you can get the chemo….”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ok wake up call to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Less whining…more gratitude.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Got it.</span></div>MaryJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01276238760003499553noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7750532266741310513.post-82352777598581386592011-03-24T23:38:00.000-04:002011-03-24T23:38:56.753-04:00Thursday 3/24/11<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">It has taken me a day to really process what I heard from Dr. Graham last night. The news was good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do not have inflammatory breast disease.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My punch biopsy confirmed it as did the PT scan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The interesting piece is that my lymph node cancer has remained completely localized to the left armpit and about 5 – 7 nodes in the pectoral area. It appears that originally the axilla node was “Her2 positive” and the breast mass was “) negative,” creating a “discordant” condition. I’m now presenting as “triple negative” which creates a “concordant” diagnosis. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Ok, I’m on a major learning curve here and may not be stating this all correctly….so bear with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The bottom line is that I’m treatable and will probably be facing 18-24 weeks of chemo, followed by radiation. My brain scan was also normal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The doctor was quite surprised and told me he fully expected to have my tests come back showing the cancer had spread to my brain and other organs. He was 90% sure, based on his clinical exam, that I had IBD.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess my case is unusual so he is presenting it at a research conference he is attending. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Oh yeah, also talked to him about the lifestyle and dietary changes I’ve made based on the research I’ve done including “The China Study” as well as the flax seed oil/cottage cheese/ regiment from Dr. Budwig . He is familiar with both as well as other treatments and supplements and told me that he felt there was definitely some weight to the alternative methods and told me keep doing what I’m doing and to keep him informed. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also he is very interested in keeping my side effects from the chemo to a minimum and will follow things closely. He mentioned that he will adjust the dosage, and change drugs if necessary. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He doesn’t believe that one size fits all – music to my ears </span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">It finally hit me about 11:30 last night that I had been preparing myself to hear that I was dying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I realized then that I’m not and the relief was so huge that I just took a deep breath and let the tears flow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think I’ve been holding my breath for the last couple of weeks and didn’t even realize it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I had my first chemo treatment in this new cycle this morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What a difference from VA. The Infusion clinic is located in Dr. Graham’s office.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are lots of windows with a great view, comfy leather recliners to sit in, AND I have my own nurse “Sandy.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She will be with me through my whole course of treatment and even gave me her card with her phone # on it so that I can call her with any issues or concerns.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also met another woman who is just starting her treatments. She called us a “sisterhood” and was there with her husband and daughter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Great sense of humor!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I left the treatment feeling a little woozy, headachy, and detached.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted to go home and lay down but I had scheduled a restorative yoga session so decided to go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What a great decision!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I came out of there feeling energized, grounded, and reconnected.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even had enough energy to go for a 20 minute walk this evening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I ended up scheduling for next Thursday following my next treatment as well.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">All in all it has been an amazing two days. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thanks to all who sent such encouraging words and virtual hugs. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am sitting her in gratitude for having such amazing family and friends on this journey.</span></div>MaryJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01276238760003499553noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7750532266741310513.post-26045755166632897832011-03-21T22:31:00.000-04:002011-03-21T22:31:00.454-04:00Monday 3/21/11<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I’m finally scheduled on Wednesday to hear the results of all the tests done last week. Dr. Graham has also gone ahead and scheduled me for chemo on Thursday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I won’t know the type of chemo until he has determined what I need based on the test results….but hearing his staff tell me today that I need to take decadron on Wednesday night and Thursday morning brought it all back to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m struggling to maintain an open mind – this time it will be different, this time I’m better prepared, this time I’ll recognize the side effect and take what I need before it gets out of control….etc…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">It is always interesting to me to observe myself in the “safe” spaces…that place between getting the tests and getting the results. I realize I take great effort to not think about the “what if’s” or the “why’s” or anything at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Its’ as if I don’t have cancer until I start receiving treatment again…can you say denial </span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial;">Actually the sooner I get started again, the sooner it will be done.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Did a 90 minute yoga class tonight – very relaxing and very grounding. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think this is something I’d like to continue with.</span></div>MaryJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01276238760003499553noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7750532266741310513.post-64695395686738272582011-03-21T22:22:00.000-04:002011-03-21T22:22:05.533-04:00Thursday 3/17/11<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Had the PT scan on Tuesday, and am having 3 biopsies today. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dr. Bird gave an almost painless Novocain shot(s).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess he has a little trick where he puts a little sodium bicarbonate in with the Novocain – whatever he does – I wish all Dr’s would do it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It definitely takes some of the longer sting out of the experience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">He was only able to do 2 of the biopsies, so I will have to come back tomorrow for a “stereo” biopsy – which is the biopsy of the original mass site.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He couldn’t see it clearly on ultrasound as there is nothing there – so he will use a mammogram machine to find the clip left from the first biopsy and then take samples from around that.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">I’m also scheduled for a brain MRI tomorrow as well.</span></div>MaryJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01276238760003499553noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7750532266741310513.post-84608932247165336802011-03-21T22:15:00.000-04:002011-03-21T22:15:39.371-04:00Sunday 3/13/11<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I don’t even know how to begin talking about the week I’ve just had and I’m not in the best place emotionally.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I came down to NC last weekend because I’ve got a break in my work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The first day here I met a woman whose husband is an MRI radiologist. She told me to have Ron bring down my films and her husband would be happy to read them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I dropped them off I met him – great guy – we talked about what I have been going through, my disenchantment with the cancer machine and medical protocol etc…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He seemed to “get it” and assured me that he works with some great Oncologist’s here who believe in complimentary treatments to chemo – such as dietary changes, supplements, etc…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">On Thursday he called me and said that if I was willing, he really wanted me to see a friend of his.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He said I clearly have 3 lymph nodes that are still present and was concerned that if I let them go they would invade the pectoral muscle and then I’d be looking at even more difficult surgery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He set me up with Dr.Graham for Friday afternoon.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Dr Graham was a bucket of cold water!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He didn’t hold back any punches and basically told me that it appears from a clinical perspective that my cancer has morphed into IBD – inflammatory breast disease. He also went on to say that it appears that I should have continued my chemo for at least 4 more weeks. According to current studies, I had received the right type of treatment, but not long enough. His studies showed that for my type of “aggressive” cancer I should have received the herceptin/taxol for 12 weeks rather than 8, and that by stopping the treatment, it allowed the cancer to still be strong enough to regenerate into something else. He also told me that my cancer is inoperable and that my window of opportunity for surgery was closed 2 weeks after my last taxol treatment “if there was even a window.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact surgery would have been the worst thing I could have done. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I went home and looked up IBD…oh boy not good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Only </span>2% -5% of women get this kind of cancer as it is very rare – Not a great cure rate. Ron and I sat with that all weekend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He went back to VA on Sunday night and I stayed in NC.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We decided that I would transfer my life and my treatment to NC as Dr. Graham has accepted me as his patient.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel like he is someone who will leave no stone unturned although his bedside manner is pretty technical. Oddly enough I feel safe with him – maybe because he seems almost like a “rainman" - you can see him processing and computing everything he knows. He was trained at the Mayo and did his internship and a fellowship at UNC and Duke. Pretty dang smart guy.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">On Monday Ron and I talked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead of thinking that the Universe had forsaken me, he has decided that instead it is taking amazing care of me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From his perspective there was something in me that really pushed against having any surgery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then I decide to take a one week hiatus in NC, and on the first day I walk into my son’s fitness studio and meet a woman who’s husband is an MRI radiologist <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>who happens to be friends with one of the top oncologist’s in the triangle area who is now willing to take me on as his patient.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What are the odds???<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When he put it that way, I had to laugh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think he is right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>During the week I also met a woman who really resonated with the quirky side of me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is a yoga teacher, loves metaphysical stuff, and lives life out loud!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s like rediscovering a piece of me that got buried while I lived and worked the consultant/corporate lifestyle.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">The DC metro area is so large and so transient that I always felt like a number on the bell curve – the treatment protocol that I was on works for 80% - 90% of the population but unfortunately it appears that I am that 10% -20% (or now, 2% - 5%). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Given the world I work in I get the statistical piece. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Medical protocol may lose 10% - 20% of the women treated, but they saved 80%- 90% so they are successful. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not very nice but it is reality.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Hopefully my odds are not that bad. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel like I’ve found a community and a doctor that looks at me as a person and not as a statistic. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My son and husband tell me this is just the southern way – whatever I feel like I have a fighting chance here.</span></div>MaryJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01276238760003499553noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7750532266741310513.post-58334163951033098592011-03-01T16:40:00.000-05:002011-03-01T16:40:34.637-05:00Tuesday 3/1/11<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Met with the new surgeon yesterday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She seemed much more open to talking and listening than the previous one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her assistant actually asked me if I was working with a Naturopath, and said that they believe in treating the “whole person.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was refreshing.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Unfortunately the surgeon agrees with my oncologist that there is something going on with the breast.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her suggestion is to get another mammogram and ultra sound from the radiologist who did the original, as well as a reading of the most recent MRI. She also recommended a “punch” biopsy of the discolored and thickened skin to determine whether there is cancer there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once she has all of that info, she said we could then make an informed decision on how to move forward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We also talked about the surgery on the breast and the lymph nodes. While she feels it’s the right thing to do, she also seemed to understand my reluctance and my reasoning. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She sees the dietary changes as “complimentary” to my treatment and recommended the nutritionist who is part of the center as someone to also talk to. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Ron and I left there feeling more reassured that if the surgery is necessary she would at least be someone who would partner with us rather than just tell us what to do. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m disappointed that the dietary changes, supplements, acupuncture, and reiki have not created my “8 week” miracle. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">On the other hand, I’m back to working out and feeling strong and alive. I’ve managed to slow down my work schedule and am going to enjoy the down time. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will persist along the path I have set for myself even though I certainly find myself stumbling and doubting but ultimately I have a strong faith in the universe. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I apologize to my family and friends who are caring, hurting, and stumbling right along with me but I’m also thankful you are there. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe we are all in this to learn together – I don’t know what…and you’d think there would be an easier way, but I don’t think I’ve ever taken the easy road </span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span><span style="font-family: Arial;"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Welcome to my weird universe and thanks for all your love and support.</span></div>MaryJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01276238760003499553noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7750532266741310513.post-60288755401181481272011-02-26T13:28:00.000-05:002011-02-26T13:28:12.516-05:00Saturday 2/26/11<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Got a good night’s sleep and feel better this morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m still emotional but not helpless.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will keep the appointment to see the surgeon, but I’m also determined to continue on the path of self management through diet and supplements.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Its clear that I need to find a doctor who is willing to look at my health from both the eastern and western perspectives and considers nutrition to be as important as I do. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think its also time to set up an appointment with the thermal imaging center and see if they can check the lymph nodes as well as the breast for cancer.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I’m also redoing my work schedule and have requested that I be removed from one of my contracts. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The client is very difficult and demanding and I realize that the money is not worth the cost to my health. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I was once told that the universe has to hit me with a 2x4 in order for me to realize when I need to make different choices. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought I had become self aware enough that I recognized the need for a change before the universe hit me, but apparently not. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Okay so time to relook at my choices again. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Geesh…</span></div>MaryJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01276238760003499553noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7750532266741310513.post-17249557747593234402011-02-26T13:27:00.000-05:002011-02-26T13:27:17.627-05:00Friday 2/25/11<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I have been back to work for six weeks and realize I haven’t learned anything! </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">As soon as I got my energy back I just jumped both feet into a full schedule again. When I finally finished everything I had committed to a couple of days ago I just hit the wall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m tired and emotional, and wondering how it got away from me so easily.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I was going through chemo and found myself housebound I swore that I would do things differently once I got back on my feet. But I didn’t and now I find myself facing a new crisis. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I developed redness around the right breast nipple about 1 ½ - 2 weeks ago and have been experiencing some pain as well. I don’t have a fever or any other symptoms so don’t think it’s an infection. I finally decided to see my oncologist and she stated her concern with the fact that it changes color depending on my arm position and suggested that the cancer may be in the skin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That hit my worst fear button.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She suggested that I go see her surgeon and see if it should be biopsied.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I agreed and made the appointment for Monday morning.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I left her office with my heart pounding and the tears spilling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All I could think about was how can I put my family through this all over again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also went to the WHY ME Universe??? Haven’t we been through enough – of course that made me laugh because in relation to many of the stories I’ve heard from other women I’m skating through this.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">When I tried to tell Ron about it I cried again. His first reaction was – wait a minute – don’t forget the oncologist wants you back in the fold again and this is a great way to get you there. You’re tired, you’re scared and it’s okay but there are other options here. He’s right.the breast did the same thing when I was receiving chemo back in November and December and the oncologist wasn’t concerned about it then. So not sure what is different now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also I’m back to working out with a personal trainer and have been having muscle soreness as a result. I’m also fighting an old cold (about 3 weeks now) so that might explain the slight swelling in the lymph nodes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>MaryJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01276238760003499553noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7750532266741310513.post-24183100271192059102011-02-26T13:25:00.003-05:002011-02-26T13:25:58.395-05:00Thursday 2/2/11<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Decided to cancel the appointment with the 2<sup>nd</sup> surgeon. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My energy is good, diet is going good, and I just don’t have an extra $400 to pay to hear that I “should” have surgery and radiation. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know I’m judging before I meet this doctor, but I really don’t believe that a conventional surgeon will have something different to say. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>MaryJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01276238760003499553noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7750532266741310513.post-57979275701641437082011-02-26T13:25:00.000-05:002011-02-26T13:25:22.444-05:00Monday 1/31/11<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Just got home from my first workout with a personal trainer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yep she kicked my butt and she didn’t give a damn that I have cancer </span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span><span style="font-family: Arial;"> ….she kicked it anyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tomorrow is acupuncture – do you think there is a needle for all over muscle pain?? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Also heard from the oncologist today. She has set up an appointment for me to get a second opinion from her surgeon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m trying to keep an open mind, but I feel like I’m going to have the same conversation with the second surgeon as I did with the first surgeon and the oncologist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is almost like running a gauntlet – will I do it quicker and with less pain than the first two times? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I’m also coming to terms with the fact that I still have a 3.2 cm tumor in my lymph node.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m encouraged that it hasn’t gone anywhere and does appear to be shrinking but it still says I have cancer and I’m not so thrilled with that. It doesn’t change my decision but it does make me hiccup a little </span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></div>MaryJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01276238760003499553noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7750532266741310513.post-29941135518682546842011-01-29T11:23:00.000-05:002011-01-29T11:23:23.663-05:00Saturday 1/29/11<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Its been an interesting week health wise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt so energetic last weekend that the lack of energy this week is very noticeable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I haven’t regressed back to when I was receiving treatment but I do feel tired and draggy. I haven’t been sleeping all that well, so that could certainly be a factor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My other thought is that since finishing the prednisone on Sunday, my body may be working overtime to get the adrenal glands back up and working efficiently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m also experiencing slight pain around the bra line similar to the feeling I had when the lung inflammation was kicking in and the shingles were also present.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m able to take deep breaths and there is nothing showing on my skin so maybe it’s the ghost of treatments past </span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span><span style="font-family: Arial;"> and really nothing to be concerned about.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Ron and I signed up at the nearby recreation center yesterday and will begin working with a personal trainer on Monday and Thursday for the next 5 weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I figure this is a good way to begin getting my strength back and I’m anxious to see what I can and can’t do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The center also has a pool and Ron is excited about that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I realize I’m not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I’ve gotten very good at going out in public wearing a bandana to cover my head, but it is obvious that I have little to no hair and have been going through some kind of treatment – plus I’m still missing my eyelashes and eyebrows. I’ve gotten used to leaving my head uncovered at home and even letting friends and family see me that way, but doing it in a public place such as a pool is a major step for me and one I’m not totally ready to take.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Boy vanity is a real kicker isn’t it. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Ron suggested wearing a swim cap in the pool and that sounds oddly comforting. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dang, I wish I could stand tall and embrace my odd look but I guess I’m not quite ready to do that yet.</span></div>MaryJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01276238760003499553noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7750532266741310513.post-70165073925831560772011-01-29T11:21:00.002-05:002011-01-29T11:21:39.399-05:00Thursday 1/27/11<span style="font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">Had a CT scan and breast MRI last week, and met with the oncologist yesterday to get the results.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The mass in the breast appears to be completely gone. It was originally 2.6 cm in size.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The axilla mass (originally 5.9 cm) has decreased to 3.2 cm but has been steadily decreasing since treatment began (measured 4.3 in November).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m elated about the breast mass being gone but I’m still faced with the decision of surgery for the lymph node mass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I agreed to talk to the oncologist’s surgeon before I made my mind up to not do anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also agreed to have at least one more herceptin treatment, however the oncologist also said that she didn’t feel it would completely dissolve the node at this point.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She did say though that often the treatments continue to work for a couple of months after they are finished.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m back to being confused</span>MaryJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01276238760003499553noreply@blogger.com0