Monday, March 21, 2011

Monday 3/21/11

I’m finally scheduled on Wednesday to hear the results of all the tests done last week. Dr. Graham has also gone ahead and scheduled me for chemo on Thursday.  I won’t know the type of chemo until he has determined what I need based on the test results….but hearing his staff tell me today that I need to take decadron on Wednesday night and Thursday morning brought it all back to me.  I’m struggling to maintain an open mind – this time it will be different, this time I’m better prepared, this time I’ll recognize the side effect and take what I need before it gets out of control….etc…
It is always interesting to me to observe myself in the “safe” spaces…that place between getting the tests and getting the results. I realize I take great effort to not think about the “what if’s” or the “why’s” or anything at all.  Its’ as if I don’t have cancer until I start receiving treatment again…can you say denial J
Actually the sooner I get started again, the sooner it will be done.
Did a 90 minute yoga class tonight – very relaxing and very grounding.  I think this is something I’d like to continue with.


Becky said...

It is really inspiring how strong you are. I’m sorry you have to go through chemo again. We are thinking of you and love you.
Love, Becky, Ryan and Michelle

MaryJo said...

Becky, thank you so much for you words - they mean an awful lot to me. Btw...I got good news from the doctor yesterday. I do not have IBD = and the lymph node cancer has not gone anywhere. He was really worried that it had spread to my brain and organs. I guess I'm a rather unusual case - he's actually presenting my case at a research conference next weekend.
So looks like I'm back to chemo but I'm ok with that.
thanks for writing,