Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Yesterday was a sobering day. Met with the surgeon. Ron and I both liked him a lot but his news left us reeling. According to him the cancer has spread and termed my condition as “serious cancer.” His suggested treatment is chemotherapy rather than surgery. According to him, performing surgery right now would basically be removing the breast and there would be no guarantee that the cancer wouldn’t come back. He has had great results with chemotherapy first (it shrinks the tumors up to 80% and in some cases completely annihilates all the little buggers. The idea is to see how I respond to chemo and then do the surgery down the road if necessary. Its possible that he will only have to perform a lumpectomy. The good news is that I am Her2 positive which has a treatment that is very successful. So all in all I should be ok, it will just be a battle. I did some research on line last night and was stunned to see that fatigue is a sign of cancer. I have had unexplained bouts of fatigue all spring. One day I could get on the treadmill and run for 1 mile non-stop and the next day I’d be out of breath just climbing the stairs. Even spoke to my massage therapist about it (which she reminded me of). Could I be getting signs of this and just didn’t pay attention?
Last night I got really scared – just couldn’t help it. I’m feeling guilty for the heart pain Ron, Rich my family and friends are going to go through watching me fight this. None of us signed up for this!
I’m waiting today to hear from the oncologist. Haven’t met her yet but the surgeon said I need to be starting treatment within 3 weeks. Man that makes it real doesn’t it… 3 weeks.
Talked to one of my sisters yesterday – she’s got her sword up and is charging in on her chariot. I realize she is feeling out of control and looking to get it back through taking care of me. However my life is the one out of control and so despite her good intentions, she may need to reign in her need to take care of me and let me do some of the taking care.
I’ve asked Rich to put together an exercise program for me – I’ve got the greenlight to exercise since the little buggers are already floating around my bloodstream. I figure the stronger my body is the better it will fight this, plus this is a little way for me to take back control.
Ron has the most soothing way – all he has to do is start talking and it doesn’t matter how dark a cave I’m in I beam right in on his voice and move back into the light.