Saturday, February 26, 2011

Friday 2/25/11

I have been back to work for six weeks and realize I haven’t learned anything!
As soon as I got my energy back I just jumped both feet into a full schedule again. When I finally finished everything I had committed to a couple of days ago I just hit the wall.  I’m tired and emotional, and wondering how it got away from me so easily.  When I was going through chemo and found myself housebound I swore that I would do things differently once I got back on my feet. But I didn’t and now I find myself facing a new crisis. 
I developed redness around the right breast nipple about 1 ½ - 2 weeks ago and have been experiencing some pain as well. I don’t have a fever or any other symptoms so don’t think it’s an infection. I finally decided to see my oncologist and she stated her concern with the fact that it changes color depending on my arm position and suggested that the cancer may be in the skin.  That hit my worst fear button.  She suggested that I go see her surgeon and see if it should be biopsied.  I agreed and made the appointment for Monday morning.
I left her office with my heart pounding and the tears spilling.  All I could think about was how can I put my family through this all over again.  I also went to the WHY ME Universe??? Haven’t we been through enough – of course that made me laugh because in relation to many of the stories I’ve heard from other women I’m skating through this.
When I tried to tell Ron about it I cried again. His first reaction was – wait a minute – don’t forget the oncologist wants you back in the fold again and this is a great way to get you there. You’re tired, you’re scared and it’s okay but there are other options here. He’s right.the breast did the same thing when I was receiving chemo back in November and December and the oncologist wasn’t concerned about it then. So not sure what is different now.  Also I’m back to working out with a personal trainer and have been having muscle soreness as a result. I’m also fighting an old cold (about 3 weeks now) so that might explain the slight swelling in the lymph nodes. 

1 comment:

cebulka said...

To me it sounds like maybe, since you had this before, maybe it's just the same, an irritation. You, just had a lot of treatments. I agree w/ Ron. Don't worry about something that may be nothing. I don't understand why they would think it's cancer because when you move it changes color...sounds more like a surface skin rash to me...because when you'd move your arms, if you blocked off the blood flow at all the blocked capillaries would make the rash turn white/clear or become paler. That's what I'm thinking.