Sunday, December 5, 2010

Friday, September 3, 2010

The last couple of days have been really difficult.  My expectations were that I’d feel tired, and maybe a little off.  What I’ve gotten is dizziness, disorientation, fatigue, headache, sore throat, and achy shoulders. The fear that I will have to live with this is frightening.  I have to feel like I’m capable of working, driving, making decisions etc… I can’t imagine anything less and I don’t want to.  Dr. Wilkinson was puzzled at first by my disorientation so she had the nurse come in and take my blood pressure laying down, sitting up and standing up.  It changed each time.  The result is that I am dehydrated, and running a low blood pressure.  Increasing my liquid intake should help, so I started this morning with a 12 ounce bottle of water.  Will do some research around the blood pressure and see if there are natural ways to balance it. 
I’ve also got a free pass today on my nupogen shot.  My blood counts are good so Dr.Wilkinson said I could have the day off and then resume the next three.  I will get my next break on Tuesday.
It is unfathomable to go from feeling completely normal last Friday to feeling how I do today.  I’m shocked at how fast my body has broken down and how fast I’ve gotten dependent on the help of others.  My sister is here and has planned to stay with me for the next month or so. 
I’ve also picked up a new change management project.  I’m hoping I can keep it together to do this – it’s a great opportunity and will require a lot of work.  I think it probably makes sense to have Ellen on the project as backup.  I'll have to bring her up to speed so that she can step in for me – but that really hits every competency button I have. This doesn't say anything about Ellen it says more about my feeling like I'm not good enough - not a good feeling when I've worked so hard to build my expertise in the Change Management field.
Either way it is what it is so I just have to deal with it.

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